Deeksha Shrivastava

My first ever trip started from my home town in Guna. Guna to Indore then Indore to Jaipur and to the destination finally, Banasthali. The adventure started as me and my sister's head out for the bus stand, okay FYI I have motion sickness and a journey of almost 12hrs from the bus was already a misery. At 10 pm at night on 18th of Sep, while we were boarding the bus, my ironed white top and the bag I had recently washed was smeared in muddy rainwater from the rope another bus driver was using. Uh! Whatever I cleaned my hands and boarded the bus in those same clothes, and they still lay in my cupboard unwashed 😂  Yeah. Me and my sister chatted for a while, I had a lower seat and hers was upper. She told me never to book a lower seat on a bus because you'll never get the beautiful picture of nature, so I seized the opportunity and took the upper berth :p.   The City Lights at the night kept me from dozing. We were travelling to Banasthali, Rajasthan to attend my sis...

Yes, I am a girl with a dusky complexion, heavy body, short height and pathetic looking hair. I nowhere fit in the definition of beautiful. Constantly trying to get the colour of my lipstick right...I guess red suits me well but equally, does pink or orange? When these girls have a conversation about the colour of the lipstick and nail polishes I'm phased out. I don't understand. Blue or black or green, what difference does it make? Yes, I do wear earrings once every two months I guess. Why is it necessary anyway? Hoops or studs or whatever. And yes, why can't I go out with shoes that don't match my dress? I own just a pair. So they should go with everything I wear. Why can't they? I've had this conversation with myself every time I look into the mirror, should  I go for a half pony? Na just normal pony will do. No, it isn't looking that nice, maybe I should drop them open? No, I should half Clutch them. Hmmm? I don't know. And these pimples...I...

I've been on the phone But it wasn't me I've heard my ego get louder than self-respect Yesterday while talking, I slammed the phone Saying I won't be there for you any more No, I didn't say it - I meant to And today I want to go back but I also don't want to No, they weren't wrong They haven't ever been Yes, of course, I was hurt I've been on the phone But it wasn't me It was my ego It costed my most beautiful relationships These people were hard to find  I know and I won't find them again If I ever did, things won't be same again I'll regret it over and over And It'll hurt with simple mention I've heard my ego get louder than self-respect Question is the thin line between self-respect and ego How many relations will it cost Until the time I learn?

Sitting in the morning breeze with a cup of coffee in my hand, looking at the lush beautiful green bounty in front of me, my mind as always travelled to the mystical land of fairies and demons. One thing always intrigued me - why are fairies fairies and demons demons? Why are the demons perceived as bad and scary whereas the fairies as beautiful and angelic? What if the words we're interchanged somehow and were meant to be the other way round? Why? What if you met a beautiful demon? What if I was in that fairyland? My life would have been different from as it is now? "Fairyland" as they say. They might have jobs to do as well, not only romance or some war, fighting for living rather than a throne. Things would have been different I guess, I might have felt happy from within just because of the fact that I am in the dreamland. Well, I don't think it's fair anyway to go to a faraway place just to feel contended. This sprang up the question-why can't I be ...

You were the moon When I was the night Couldn't comprehend the way you made my world shine Never knew I'd fall for you I just laughed on your jokes And hang out with you most I wish I still had you To brag about the things I do You were the only one Who handled the disaster I was All the path you showed were right But I was not that wise I didn't know you'll part ways Because of a silly fight, but I guess you were right I was too stubborn to understand the importance of "I" You transformed me  but you yourself were too transformed I didn't know me before I know you Now I know me thanks to you Would have sulked in the corner of my room For you left me alone to deal with the world I was unknown I won't say you hurt me when you left me Because you did hurt me when you left me And I'm strong enough to admit that I will put on a smile and make them realise love is a beautiful feeling indeed You were a happy phase I...

It's hard. It's extremely hard. I know it's hard. I have been crying a lot lately. Not even a lot, I'm crying each and every day. I don't know why..... I just can't figure it out. It has been quite long now... I try to look back. Neither I'm able to think nor I'm able to do anything. I just wanna be inside my blanket away from everyone. Alone. Anxiety has taken control of me. I wake up from my dreams crying. I feel abandoned. No one really cares about what I'm going through. She asked me if I was okay and If something is bothering me, she said she'll be there anytime if I wanted to talk. She doesn't really mean it. It's been quite long, I haven't stepped out of my house. I don't want anyone to know what I'm going through probably because I don't want to look like a pathetic and weak person or I think they won't understand what I'm trying to say. They don't... No one does. I don't know what it is or w...

I woke up from the sound of a thud. Tears all over my face. I quietly glanced around everyone was sleeping peacefully. Maybe it was the sound of a vehicle passing by on the road facing my house. Now that I think about it, it was a dream I guess... But I just can't remember. I glanced at the watch it was 4:30 am, I still had time to sleep. Tried in vain, I couldn't fall back asleep, as I haven't slept last day as well I was tired and my eyes were hurting extremely. The efforts to fall asleep again were a total waste as my mind kept on producing unnecessary thoughts most of them being what was that dream about and I just kept changing the sides.  It was 5:00 am, that means I have been rolling in bed for half an hour.  So I got out of my bed poured myself a glass of water and headed out for a morning walk which I haven't done in ages and which was also good for my obese body. It was still dark outside, I locked the door and headed out. The way my day was progressi...

How do you judge someone? Well, the first question should be, How do you know you are judging someone? When you give your views on someone with an expression that what you say is true or convincing, you are judging the person. We most often talk about being judged, and what about you judging someone? Aren't you forming an opinion about them? Let's look at the picture upside-down. Isn't it a chain reaction? You judging someone and someone judging you. It's a loop. On what basis do we judge?  Caste - We don't know which caste we may be born in.  Colour - We get that from our parents.  Looks - We get that from our parents too.  Language - Oh come on! We English speakers think ourselves to be way too superior right? Please think over it again.  Background - You never know. Some of you may be super rich, some poor, some from big cities and others from a small village. You never know!!!!! You can give me more reason but you won't sound reasonable. I can s...

Hi mom, I'm sorry and I'm thankful I'm sorry I'm sorry for being me I'm sorry for not listening I'm sorry for being rude I'm sorry that you have to wake up at 5 just to iron my uniform and pack my lunch I'm sorry that I was never around when you wanted me to be I'm sorry for letting you cry by yourself I'm sorry for not talking I'm sorry for not sharing the pain you had, the thoughts you had I'm sorry for being selfish I'm sorry for not letting you sleep an hour more I'm sorry for letting you work until your back hurt I'm sorry that I never asked if you were sick I'm sorry that I don't know how many times you have slept hungry I'm sorry that I wasn't the child you wanted me to be I'm sorry that it took me so long to understand I'm thankful I'm thankful for you being you I'm thankful for you staying by my side I'm thankful for you being selfless I'm thankful that ...

He will have to learn, I know, that all men are not just, all men are not true. But teach him also that for every scoundrel there is, a hero, that for every enemy, there is a friend. It will take time, I know but teach him if you can, that a dollar earned is of far more value than five found. Teach him to learn to lose and also to enjoy winning. Steer him away from envy if you can, teach him the secret of quite laughter. Let him learn early that, bullies are the easiest to lick. Teach him if you can the wonder of books, but also give him quiet to ponder, the eternal mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun and flowers on a green hillside. In school teach him it is far more honourable to fail, than to cheat. Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if everyone tells him that he is wrong. Teach him to be gentle with gentle people and tough with the tough. Try to, give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone is getting on the band wagon. Te...

Last year around February, when I was taking my classes, we were told by the institute to write a message, so we all were given a piece of yellow drawing sheet to imprint that beautiful message. I was reluctant to even take that sheet, because I knew I was bad at creativity and writing stuff, so I won't be able to do anything. Anyway because everyone was taking it, I took it as well. Surrounded by a lot of creative people I was disheartened much to say I was't willing to do anything. Back that day sitting alone in my room I was trying hard thinking what should I write and how to present that blank sheet in an impressive manner, I called my sister asking her some recommendations. I was so not in mood to do anything that I asked her to write it for me, but she couldn't think of anything as well. Eventually my brain was empty, I just couldn't think of something good. After a lot of effort I came up with this but my write up was general and we were given a specific t...

We search for love for ourselves  through others, we search for appreciation for ourselves through others. Why is it that we can't love ourselves?? Shouldn't the first word of appreciation come from self?? Learning to love ourselves should be the first thing that should be taught but its always other-way round, In school what taught is that you have to be better than the others, there is quite similar scenario at home and we end up comparing ourselves to someone who is totally different from us. Leaving us to pity at our pathetic self. Everyone has different backgrounds, facilities, body, complexion, brain and a lot more smaller things, the smallest thing all of yours DNA is different. How can you compare yourself with someone so different?? Aren't you insulting your unique self? Stop it now. We should appreciate the smallest move we have made, the smallest progress, which will turn big someday. Waiting for someone else to recognise your efforts is a waste ... be...

Sexual harassment. The topic itself is disturbing, isn't it? Then what is the reason I'm here talking about it? I actually thought of writing on this topic when everyone was expressing their empathy over the rape cases earlier this year. However, I thought I better not. The stats are disturbing as well. Most of the cases go unreported and those reported are hushed by fabricating the evidences along with the humiliation or embarrassment faced by the person. And then everything is blamed on the dressing attire, your way of talking, the people you hang out with. I am aghast by the lame sense of people justifying why it is the victims fault. Actually the problem is we trying to become independent and demanding equality.  Don't you think?? We should live in a house forever locked. And what if someone breaks in? Being cautious of each and every person around us, it's not possible. How can you? Or we should adjust ourselves that these things are just a part of life? We ...

"Time is the most precious resource" is one of the most often used phrase. Pondering upon the thought you might have understood why. But we are too ignorant. Right? And of course we can't handle anyone lecturing us about how to use the time. Even though it is said-everything heals with time. As much as time builds bridges, it destroys some as well. The opportunities we get disappear with time, it may be your relationship, your career, your business. Even though there is always a next time, still the opportunity is missed and it's never the same again.  And you know we are master procrastinators, "I'll do it after I have accomplished this", "I'll do it this time for sure", "I don't have time today, I'll do it tomorrow". When you'll look into the bigger picture these habits are only harming us. If you have genuinely  big dreams to achieve, than you better watch out. "OUR GREATEST WEAKNESS LIES IN GIVIN...

Looking at the night sky not being able to sleep, Listening the birds chipper when the world is asleep, Sound of the vehicle passing by on the lone roads, The beautiful silence that prevails, when the world is at peace The serene dawn Made me think about who we are and who we want to be. Longing for peace at the end of the day, within an hour or two of light, the world will be busy running for their life. How much time do we take to appreciate the things around us? Looking for peace and finding happiness in something that's too far. Even if we reach where we want to we'll be searching for happiness and joy. "You have to stop once in a while to appreciate the small things around you. Go out and smell the flowers once in a while or take a stroll in the park. You will see the beauty in life." - TRISTON JAN TIZON When you are shooting for the stars, even if you land on one, if you haven't acknowledged the smell, texture, the life supported by e...

Scared? Are you? Scared of going off beat? Scared what people will think? Scared what the outcome will be? Scared about other's expectations? Scared of doing something different? Scared to give a try? Scared, you won't make it? How long will you be? What if you would've never tried to ride a bicycle? Cause you were scared of being hurt or never joined a sport because you were scared. But you did even you didn't know what the outcome will be. Maybe you became too good or you just ended up being a looser.  Well, you weren't a looser at all. You surely did learn something and it's actually better than those who never tried, they know nothing.  Most of the things we are scared about are just our thoughts which do not have an end. They are meaningless, without any basis. You are limiting yourself, you let go lot of opportunities because of your thoughts. Whenever you are not able to achieve something, you assume it to be a sheer wastage of time. H...

Going after a dream has a price. It may mean abandoning our habits, it may make us go through hardships , or it may lead us to disappointment. But however costly, it is never as high as the price paid by people who live in his/her comfort zone . - The Zahir, Paulo Coelho Have you made enough efforts to succeed or accomplish whatever you want? Or you just dream to do something? Have you paid the price for that dream? Or are you busy making excuses? You had a setback and you start making excuses just to justify your setback. You and me, we humans are excuse making machines. You don't fail, it's just a setback which you can overcome. No one ever care about your excuses, you lost means you lost, no one is ever gonna ask you why you lost. You have to struggle alone with no one by your side . Dealing with naysayers, fighting with depression and anxiety. You may have to work three jobs at a time or have to work 24*7 without weekends to prove yourself right. These costs, howeve...

What do you do when your dreams keep on shouting, they fall on deaf ears, don't they? Well, for how long? Tried keeping them out of your mind and tired, but they don't seem to leave. Trying to sleep  Haha, it's not that easy, they won't let you fall asleep. How long are you going to try and suppress them? Your dreams shout louder than your voice, you won't be able to suppress them longer. You know that it ain't feasible to give them time right now or invest in them right now. But if not now then when? They will suffocate you as the time passes by. How long? Ask yourself. How long?  Ever felt the way your heart beats when you do what you love? You don't even get tired, you don't care about time or anything, filled with confidence and zeal you work. Stop running away from your dreams, go catch them, make them come true, they are yours . Given to you for a reason, follow them. What if most of the famous personalities round the world have not given ...

Inspiration to me is something which is most requisite for the success of an individual. But do you have an ideal whom you always wanted to be like? I guess it is not always a single person who inspires you, those who in their daily lives push you forward inspite of their self position should be your ideal, your inspiration. Those who show faith in your abilities although they might not have reached heights in their life, but they are the one worthy to be your ideal. Your role model, who you want to be like, a renowned business man, a celebrated singer, a great sportsman and a lot more. These peoples success inspires you, although you forget that the circumstances faced by each and every one are different, everyone has a different success story. Dreaming to be like someone is not what will make you like them, it will be your efforts and the support of people beside you. It was there struggles which made them who they are. You need to search for inspiration within yourself, not ...