Maze

It's hard. It's extremely hard. I know it's hard. I have been crying a lot lately. Not even a lot, I'm crying each and every day. I don't know why..... I just can't figure it out. It has been quite long now... I try to look back.

Neither I'm able to think nor I'm able to do anything. I just wanna be inside my blanket away from everyone. Alone. Anxiety has taken control of me. I wake up from my dreams crying. I feel abandoned. No one really cares about what I'm going through. She asked me if I was okay and If something is bothering me, she said she'll be there anytime if I wanted to talk. She doesn't really mean it.

It's been quite long, I haven't stepped out of my house. I don't want anyone to know what I'm going through probably because I don't want to look like a pathetic and weak person or I think they won't understand what I'm trying to say. They don't... No one does.

I don't know what it is or why I'm behaving like this. My mind is a complete mess. Is this depression? Or I'm out of my mind to think of such things. I don't even talk I just smile and move my head in acceptance as a fool. And when I do I  breakdown in the middle of a conversation. This too much, I can't handle it anymore.

I can't take this anymore. It's killing me... I have changed so much. This not me. I don't know who this person is. I want to get rid of it. I can't believe a jolly, energetic and lovely person has turned out this way.

I NEED HELP. I'll tell her, my friend, my parents that I need help. I'll tell them how I'm feeling... Ill become mad this way... I need to help myself. My heavy sobbing eyes need rest, this mind which is giving me useless thoughts need rest, my body needs rest. Even though things have been rough on me, there will be a way, surely, there is a way and I can help myself.

I haven't talked to them. Shit. They worry too much. They will try to overprotect me. I don't want anyone to think that I'm weak. Everything will be under control.

It's been days, I seriously need help. Now I can't even understand what someone is telling me, I just listen like a moron. So I have made this decision - I'll talk.

After multiple changes in heart, I finally sat down with my friend explaining him things... The only thought of talking made me cry and I cried the whole hour talking... Even though he couldn't change a thing, he listened to me without judging me... That made my mind ease a little. He told me to give it some time... Well, that doesn't do any good.

Things sorted out a little when I talked to my family... They gave plausible options and the strength to hold onto my path, they were worried a lot and restrained me from doing things, which I feared..... But they understood my point and gave me enough freedom and courage to do my best.

I was scared... I was extremely scared... I knew things won't sort out on it's own but still, I was reluctant to talk... I may have been in a far better condition if I would have talked to them earlier... Better late than never... I was thinking about the worst options I would have considered..... Suicide, jumping in front of a car, locking myself away from everyone...

It took time... But things are really better now... My family and friends have helped me get back on my feet.

I know many of you go through the same thing or someone you know is going through the same thing..... You better stop ridiculing them or mocking them and start helping them. Try to think from their perspective. Stop mocking at a depressed or anxious person. Make them feel strong and empowered. You may change a persons life because of your one sentence.