Deeksha Shrivastava

Yes, I am a girl with a dusky complexion, heavy body, short height and pathetic looking hair. I nowhere fit in the definition of beautiful. Constantly trying to get the colour of my lipstick right...I guess red suits me well but equally, does pink or orange? When these girls have a conversation about the colour of the lipstick and nail polishes I'm phased out. I don't understand. Blue or black or green, what difference does it make? Yes, I do wear earrings once every two months I guess. Why is it necessary anyway? Hoops or studs or whatever. And yes, why can't I go out with shoes that don't match my dress? I own just a pair. So they should go with everything I wear. Why can't they? I've had this conversation with myself every time I look into the mirror, should  I go for a half pony? Na just normal pony will do. No, it isn't looking that nice, maybe I should drop them open? No, I should half Clutch them. Hmmm? I don't know. And these pimples...I...

I've been on the phone But it wasn't me I've heard my ego get louder than self-respect Yesterday while talking, I slammed the phone Saying I won't be there for you any more No, I didn't say it - I meant to And today I want to go back but I also don't want to No, they weren't wrong They haven't ever been Yes, of course, I was hurt I've been on the phone But it wasn't me It was my ego It costed my most beautiful relationships These people were hard to find  I know and I won't find them again If I ever did, things won't be same again I'll regret it over and over And It'll hurt with simple mention I've heard my ego get louder than self-respect Question is the thin line between self-respect and ego How many relations will it cost Until the time I learn?

Sitting in the morning breeze with a cup of coffee in my hand, looking at the lush beautiful green bounty in front of me, my mind as always travelled to the mystical land of fairies and demons. One thing always intrigued me - why are fairies fairies and demons demons? Why are the demons perceived as bad and scary whereas the fairies as beautiful and angelic? What if the words we're interchanged somehow and were meant to be the other way round? Why? What if you met a beautiful demon? What if I was in that fairyland? My life would have been different from as it is now? "Fairyland" as they say. They might have jobs to do as well, not only romance or some war, fighting for living rather than a throne. Things would have been different I guess, I might have felt happy from within just because of the fact that I am in the dreamland. Well, I don't think it's fair anyway to go to a faraway place just to feel contended. This sprang up the question-why can't I be ...

You were the moon When I was the night Couldn't comprehend the way you made my world shine Never knew I'd fall for you I just laughed on your jokes And hang out with you most I wish I still had you To brag about the things I do You were the only one Who handled the disaster I was All the path you showed were right But I was not that wise I didn't know you'll part ways Because of a silly fight, but I guess you were right I was too stubborn to understand the importance of "I" You transformed me  but you yourself were too transformed I didn't know me before I know you Now I know me thanks to you Would have sulked in the corner of my room For you left me alone to deal with the world I was unknown I won't say you hurt me when you left me Because you did hurt me when you left me And I'm strong enough to admit that I will put on a smile and make them realise love is a beautiful feeling indeed You were a happy phase I...

It's hard. It's extremely hard. I know it's hard. I have been crying a lot lately. Not even a lot, I'm crying each and every day. I don't know why..... I just can't figure it out. It has been quite long now... I try to look back. Neither I'm able to think nor I'm able to do anything. I just wanna be inside my blanket away from everyone. Alone. Anxiety has taken control of me. I wake up from my dreams crying. I feel abandoned. No one really cares about what I'm going through. She asked me if I was okay and If something is bothering me, she said she'll be there anytime if I wanted to talk. She doesn't really mean it. It's been quite long, I haven't stepped out of my house. I don't want anyone to know what I'm going through probably because I don't want to look like a pathetic and weak person or I think they won't understand what I'm trying to say. They don't... No one does. I don't know what it is or w...

I woke up from the sound of a thud. Tears all over my face. I quietly glanced around everyone was sleeping peacefully. Maybe it was the sound of a vehicle passing by on the road facing my house. Now that I think about it, it was a dream I guess... But I just can't remember. I glanced at the watch it was 4:30 am, I still had time to sleep. Tried in vain, I couldn't fall back asleep, as I haven't slept last day as well I was tired and my eyes were hurting extremely. The efforts to fall asleep again were a total waste as my mind kept on producing unnecessary thoughts most of them being what was that dream about and I just kept changing the sides.  It was 5:00 am, that means I have been rolling in bed for half an hour.  So I got out of my bed poured myself a glass of water and headed out for a morning walk which I haven't done in ages and which was also good for my obese body. It was still dark outside, I locked the door and headed out. The way my day was progressi...